I carry a great shame with me everywhere I go. My dad routinely wears socks and sandals. He always has and always will. The fact that I’m related to that man is one of the greatest hardships that I, or in fact anyone else, has ever had to bear. Sometimes I can’t even look myself in the eye when I look into a mirror… 

Joking aside, what is it that possesses men of a certain age to commit such a heinous act as wearing socks with sandals, and why on earth is it something that the fashion world is trying to “reclaim”? 

I think there is something that most people can agree on, in that sandals and socks are gross for a huge laundry list of reasons. Reasons which I am now going to list in an effort to ward off anyone who thinks that they might be the sole individual in the history of fashion on this planet to successfully pull off a socks and sandals look. 

(Hint: You can’t.) 

  1. They look bad: I know that might seem like a low blow or a surface level criticism but, come on, they look terrible. They just do!
  2. Socks can make nice legs look bad: there is something about wearing socks and sandals that seems to necessitate pulling your socks up almost past your knees. Since most people will be doing with this while wearing shorts, it’s almost like a picture frame putting all the emphasis on humanity’s least attractive physical feature – the knee. It’s basically like cleavage, but for knees and who exactly wants that.

  3. I don’t want to be able to smell your feet at a glance: you don’t even have to be within sniffing distance to know that the feet in those socks and sandals are going to be honking. I mean, you can practically taste them just by looking, and believe me when I say that no-one – no-one – wants to taste your feet.

  4. They’re gross: Generally, when someone chooses to wear sandals it is because it’s a tad on the warm side, so why then would you want to encapsulate your hot, sweaty feet – too hot and sweaty for shoes – in woolly socks? The inevitable consequence of wearing socks and sandals is that your socks will soon be sodden and discoloured from sweat and the heat – gross! 

I think I’ve made my position on socks and sandals pretty clear and I really hope that I have helped, in some small way, anyone out there who was seriously considering wearing these abominations. To sum it all up: please don’t, you’ll look silly. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *